Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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