I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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