farters have to be the big spoon...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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