I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
