Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
