just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
