Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize