Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The uberlube is also flammable
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
