ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
