cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
