I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize