coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
