After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
