i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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