I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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