for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
