My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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