6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
