i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
