i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
