Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
