why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
