Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
