So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
