Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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