dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
