We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
