There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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