you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
tell me about the eggs
that may or may not have been my penis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
