Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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