so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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