and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize