Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
