Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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