It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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