wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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