Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
