too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
