I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
