So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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