What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
