This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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