When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
