playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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