Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
