I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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