I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
