Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
only you would photoshop your dick
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
