Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
