Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize