i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The ass gains better be worth it
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