Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
