The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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