Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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