you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
