I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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