Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
