dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
