Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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