How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
