I got chris browned last night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize