We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
