your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
