Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She's the barista slut.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize