Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
