i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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