So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
