did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
