I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
