Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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