I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
