New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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