pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
