What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
