Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
