During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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