Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
