I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
