no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
