Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
