capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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