Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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