Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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