One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
