I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
