When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My vagina is officially offended.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
