she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
ugly people sure do ruin things
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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