K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
