New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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