I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i believe in u and ur pee
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