How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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