i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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