my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and she was petting her beer can
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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