just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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