As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
