Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
