Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
