somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
