He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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