I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
