Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize