We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
