There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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