My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
