Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
