I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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