Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
