Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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