I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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